Time is of the Essence

Earlier this month a great friend of mine mother passed away, it was a surprise to us all. I had never before seen my friend so upset. He is known as the happy individual who is loving life as he should. Seeing him go through the tragic week of funeral arrangements was oddly enough inspiring. Here was someone who was able to accept the passing of his mother and move to a place of positiveness. Everyday to follow he got stronger and stronger and accepted the inevitable and realized she was now an angel watching him from above. The way he handled it was the most inspiring, that it got me to thinking. Life is short, we all will die at one point. It made me look at my life and think about how quickly it can be taken. Makes you think about instances in your life that happened and how you handle them.
 As you may have read in my previous posts I didn't have the best years these past couple of years. I was heartbroken in many cases from loved ones to friends to bosses and even complete strangers. I found myself in a place that I allowed myself to get into, and that was a place of self pity. I ended up in a relationship with a boy who was bi-polar, manic depressive as well as diagnosed with a form of schizophrenia, while also being told that he was narcissistic. Somehow I couldn't let that one go, I stayed in that for almost 4 years convincing myself that he needed me. While being in that dark relationship I found myself in a dark place and once I allowed myself to get to that place I didn't do much to get out of it. Although I may have thought I was trying, I battled friends, co workers, acquaintances and even family.I questioned my own reality at times. Street walking psychics would come up to me with bad news and negative things to say about my ora, it was like a scene from a movie, yet no cameras were rolling. But I allowed all of this to happen, I allowed myself to get to that place. Once I got out of my 4 year relationship mess I started dating. It was almost like I dated these men because I felt I needed to be with someone. After being in a negative relationship and constantly having that feeling of being needed, I felt a loss without it. So I started dating, but anyone that knows me knows I am not really a dater. So I would go out with someone and see if that was someone I could be in a relationship with. This lasted for some months and then it all finally came to a stop. The funny thing is is the reason why it did, I was in the middle of a move and I found my high school journal, I thought to myself lets just read a page or two for a good laugh. Next thing I know I am nearing the end, tears forming in my eyes as i'm turning page after page. Then I reach the end, suddenly I am sent into a massive panic attack (you will most likely start getting those every now and then if you are in a bi-polar type relationship) with tears streaming down my face, I have then realized how much I had changed because of that previous relationship. Confused and a bit more heartbroken, I have then just realized, the person I was 5 minuets ago was not the person I knew, I changed, I became this individual that no one really knew. I fell asleep that night with a bit of weight lifted off my shoulders and when I woke the following morning I had a massive smile on my face, I was me! Finally out of this darkness that I allowed consume me and it took all of a journal to read about who I was and all my aspirations in life to bounce me back into who I used to be before I allowed myself to get consumed in a dark relationship that I believed at the time was good for me.
Days would go by and I would find myself getting happier and happier, it was like I was reborn. My work life was good and my personal like was getting better. I was lucky to have the core group of friends who stayed by my side through thick and thin. A couple more months past with this new me or shall I say the old me, and I couldn't be happier or so I thought. Then one night at a friends house I met this amazing man, we talked movies, the industry anything artistic and I was smitten. Not looking to be in a relationship as I had finally become myself again but I couldn't hold back for some reason. We had an amazing connection and next thing you know, there we are on our first date and from then until now I fall more and more for him everyday. Maybe its like "they" say, you must experience the bad to really appreciate the good, and he is a great man. I am lucky to have found him because although I knew I had changed he helped me overcome a tough time in my life that I struggled with for some time. I suppose we both help each other as he experienced a very similar relationship as well. Maybe its fate that brought us together if you believe in that kind of thing, but what I will say is that it has helped me stay positive and I grow stronger because of him everyday.
With the tragedy that happened to my friend losing his mother, it helped me reach out to people I had a falling out with in the past. Even though some years have gone by and although those relationships may never be the same, it was nice to have what one might call closure or opening that window of positive energy to an incident that was holding on to negativity. I reached out to people I hadn't spoken to in years, all because life can be short and time is of the essence, before you know it someone you know or knew will be gone and lets just hope that when they do it leaves you with no regrets. So I reached out to individuals and made peace, we may never see each other again, but at least I can die knowing that whatever happened in the past is just that and we positively moved past it.
My advice to you is don't leave this world with regret. Anything can happen and tomorrow is never promised, today is a gift that is why they call it the present. So do yourself a favor and be the gift you know you are in the peoples lives that care about you. Don't let silly, fixable situations leave you with any regrets, what is the point in holding onto the negative energy of being upset or even hating something. Life is simply too unpredictable and I promise you its not worth it, for anyone.

Live.Love.Laugh

xoxoxo