Time is of the Essence

Earlier this month a great friend of mine mother passed away, it was a surprise to us all. I had never before seen my friend so upset. He is known as the happy individual who is loving life as he should. Seeing him go through the tragic week of funeral arrangements was oddly enough inspiring. Here was someone who was able to accept the passing of his mother and move to a place of positiveness. Everyday to follow he got stronger and stronger and accepted the inevitable and realized she was now an angel watching him from above. The way he handled it was the most inspiring, that it got me to thinking. Life is short, we all will die at one point. It made me look at my life and think about how quickly it can be taken. Makes you think about instances in your life that happened and how you handle them.
 As you may have read in my previous posts I didn't have the best years these past couple of years. I was heartbroken in many cases from loved ones to friends to bosses and even complete strangers. I found myself in a place that I allowed myself to get into, and that was a place of self pity. I ended up in a relationship with a boy who was bi-polar, manic depressive as well as diagnosed with a form of schizophrenia, while also being told that he was narcissistic. Somehow I couldn't let that one go, I stayed in that for almost 4 years convincing myself that he needed me. While being in that dark relationship I found myself in a dark place and once I allowed myself to get to that place I didn't do much to get out of it. Although I may have thought I was trying, I battled friends, co workers, acquaintances and even family.I questioned my own reality at times. Street walking psychics would come up to me with bad news and negative things to say about my ora, it was like a scene from a movie, yet no cameras were rolling. But I allowed all of this to happen, I allowed myself to get to that place. Once I got out of my 4 year relationship mess I started dating. It was almost like I dated these men because I felt I needed to be with someone. After being in a negative relationship and constantly having that feeling of being needed, I felt a loss without it. So I started dating, but anyone that knows me knows I am not really a dater. So I would go out with someone and see if that was someone I could be in a relationship with. This lasted for some months and then it all finally came to a stop. The funny thing is is the reason why it did, I was in the middle of a move and I found my high school journal, I thought to myself lets just read a page or two for a good laugh. Next thing I know I am nearing the end, tears forming in my eyes as i'm turning page after page. Then I reach the end, suddenly I am sent into a massive panic attack (you will most likely start getting those every now and then if you are in a bi-polar type relationship) with tears streaming down my face, I have then realized how much I had changed because of that previous relationship. Confused and a bit more heartbroken, I have then just realized, the person I was 5 minuets ago was not the person I knew, I changed, I became this individual that no one really knew. I fell asleep that night with a bit of weight lifted off my shoulders and when I woke the following morning I had a massive smile on my face, I was me! Finally out of this darkness that I allowed consume me and it took all of a journal to read about who I was and all my aspirations in life to bounce me back into who I used to be before I allowed myself to get consumed in a dark relationship that I believed at the time was good for me.
Days would go by and I would find myself getting happier and happier, it was like I was reborn. My work life was good and my personal like was getting better. I was lucky to have the core group of friends who stayed by my side through thick and thin. A couple more months past with this new me or shall I say the old me, and I couldn't be happier or so I thought. Then one night at a friends house I met this amazing man, we talked movies, the industry anything artistic and I was smitten. Not looking to be in a relationship as I had finally become myself again but I couldn't hold back for some reason. We had an amazing connection and next thing you know, there we are on our first date and from then until now I fall more and more for him everyday. Maybe its like "they" say, you must experience the bad to really appreciate the good, and he is a great man. I am lucky to have found him because although I knew I had changed he helped me overcome a tough time in my life that I struggled with for some time. I suppose we both help each other as he experienced a very similar relationship as well. Maybe its fate that brought us together if you believe in that kind of thing, but what I will say is that it has helped me stay positive and I grow stronger because of him everyday.
With the tragedy that happened to my friend losing his mother, it helped me reach out to people I had a falling out with in the past. Even though some years have gone by and although those relationships may never be the same, it was nice to have what one might call closure or opening that window of positive energy to an incident that was holding on to negativity. I reached out to people I hadn't spoken to in years, all because life can be short and time is of the essence, before you know it someone you know or knew will be gone and lets just hope that when they do it leaves you with no regrets. So I reached out to individuals and made peace, we may never see each other again, but at least I can die knowing that whatever happened in the past is just that and we positively moved past it.
My advice to you is don't leave this world with regret. Anything can happen and tomorrow is never promised, today is a gift that is why they call it the present. So do yourself a favor and be the gift you know you are in the peoples lives that care about you. Don't let silly, fixable situations leave you with any regrets, what is the point in holding onto the negative energy of being upset or even hating something. Life is simply too unpredictable and I promise you its not worth it, for anyone.

Live.Love.Laugh

xoxoxo

This was a very sweet moment for me, this was the first time I ever got to record a song of my own. It was a process, but it was such an amazing and fun process. I worked with Kyndra Pruitt on this song that she wrote which is such beautiful and inspiring lyrics. When I first heard it I knew that this was a song I wanted to record. I am very proud of the first piece I have ever done. I love being an artist and I chose to be one to inspire others and in this life of mine, I do hope to accomplish just that.

Thank you for reading my blog and also a big thanks for watching the video and all the support behind me.

Live.Love.Laugh

xo Kristin

Sweet Angels

There is nothing like the smile of a child,
so genuine and loving in all of their innocence.
The world my be unfair at times and cause you feelings of the unknown,
but know that we love you and think of you both so.
Whenever you feel a sense of loss,
remember what was taught, that when you look into the night sky,
you wish upon that star,
star light star bright, we are both wishing on the same stars tonight.
If ever you shall feel at all a bit sad,
remember we will never leave you, even if we are not seen,
we will always be in your hearts.
Time may be going by, but always remember,
not a day goes by, my sweet angels, that we don't think of you,
miss you and look forward to the day we can finally hold you.

- Sending all my love to the sweet angels in my life that I miss so very much. We will all be together again soon. xoxo

Love Letter

I know I know, its has been ages since I have updated my blog, I blame facebook for that, lol. But I will say that I have recently deactivated my account and decided to revamp my blog. I wanted to make this post a special one since I have been neglecting it and decided to post a Video with a song I recorded with a good friend of mine Kyndra who wrote the song. Kyndra is my soul sister literally. When her and I first met we bonded instantly, it was after that that we realized we where born on the same day and the exact year, although I may be a couple hours older. Kyndra and I are very similar down to the way we write and our passions in life i.e. anything that is artfully entertaining.  We even had yorkies (unfortunately hers was taken). This was the second song that we recorded together and I wanted to share it, so I hope you enjoy my "love letter" to you.

Forgive

Its a part of me, a decision I have made. To release me from this world. A mistake, I don't know, was it fate I say so.
Forgive me for the choice I've made. In this life I live, to have given up on you. I tried to bring you in, but you shut me down.
I want to hold you, but it was to late to save you. Imagine looking through your eyes, as they are mine. As I'm true to myself, please forgive me.
The thought of you so pure and true, my unborn child from within. Release the tension and come back again. Oh just to hold you in all your innocence.
Forgive me.

Kristin Alayna

The Day

Help me understand, walk me through this life, each step of the way guide me. Open my eyes to the world of the unknown. Bring my ears to the sound of your voice. I listen to each word as if it were my own. Help me understand, trust the answers within the soul and let it go. Believe in the sounds of silence. Love will never fade it will fight with you to the grave. Run with your eyes closed and let the light shine through you. Take the leap into the craziness we call life, learn that it will never be defeat.

-Live.Love.Laugh

Kristin Alayna

Blessed

I have recently transferred files from an old computer to my new computer and I found a pretty great selection of writings that I had written a while back. In the files I found a writing I started to write for my mother, and I think I wanted to add more to it or something cause I am not sure why I never sent it to her. I get inspired to write when I go through hard times and these past couple years have not been a cake walk in my life, but I always know that I can call up my mother and she will bring my spirits up and tell me everything will be ok, and you know what it works everytime. No matter how hard a situaiton I feel I am going through, my mother always knows exactly what to say. I think of how I will repay her for all that she has given me, and since I am still an aspiring artist I can really only repay her in words.... Mom I wrote this for you. Thank you for everything you do, you raised 6 amazing kids if I may say so myself.

You - by Kristin Crizaldo


You are the heartbeat I long to hear,

You are the hand I love to hold,

You are the heart I picked to belong to,

You are the love I call home too.

I am your shinning star,

You are my night sky,

Everything great I am, I got from you,

You are the mother I will always look up to.

Photoshoot

A great friend of mine and also amazing photographer, Brett Erickson, asked me if I would do a photoshoot with him, testing out a new make up artist. I had a great time, we shot downtown at the Disney Concert Hall. And let me tell you the architecture there was absolutely amazing, as you will see in some of the pictures I posted. Here is a teaser of the shoot, there are more to come. Hope you enjoy!




Live.Love.Laugh

Dating

I don't know about most of you, but I use to watch TV shows where women talked about struggling with dating as they got older and I never really understood why. I was always like there are so many men out there, how can you not find one? Then I went through a couple break ups and many people will tell you, it gets easier and eventually you end up with the person you are supposed to be with, but you're supposed to kiss a lot of frogs until you find your prince. Well this year I have come to that realization. I know that this time should be the time of my life, I am only young once I should get out there and date as many men as possible. Although the idea of that sounds great and all, it just isn't my cup of tea. I love Green Tea, Jasmine tea is my favorite, then I would say China Tips. I rarely venture into trying new teas that much because I LOVE green tea. I think that might be why dating for me is what some may say difficult. I know what I want and let's face it, dating in LA is not the easiest thing. There are a lot of men, and good looking men in LA, the only problem is finding one that doesn't want to keep putting his hand in the cookie jar. Guys in LA don't want to settle down for the most part and the ones that do, the only way you are probably going t find them is if they are referred to by a friend or coworker, cause let's be honest here people, you are not going  to find mister right at a night club in Hollywood.
You can try a dating site, but you know the majority of people that are on dating websites don't even like admitting that they are on the site. There are many success stories don't get me wrong and I am beyond happy for those who have found true happiness from the site, but it isn't for everyone. So the people that is isn't for, where do they go and what do they do? Is there a certain "happy hour"that all the single established well mannered men attend? If so details please. I don't understand how it is possible that the majority of my gorgeous, independent female friends are single. Makes me wonder really. Is it just in LA? I feel like it has to be, there must be something in the water that makes it so the majority of the guys are, let me put it nicely, not worth the time or energy and the rest are swinging for the other team or snatched up by a lucky lady.
Who's to blame really, if it wasn't for LA pretty much catering to men so they can be a kid in a candy store with their options of beautiful women, can you blame them? There are women out here that make it much harder for ladies that are looking for a trust worthy faithful guy. It's almost like you can't be mad at him if the hot women are throwing themselves at them. I believe that if it wasn't for the face that a lot of women for the most part are out for themselves and will quickly without a thought in their head, throw the next girl under the bus to get a one up, then we probably would have a little more luck at a normal dating life in LA. I have never had as many friends in long distant relationships because they met someone amazing that lives out of the state. LA might be tainted, I hate to say it.
So what do you do, do you suck t up and join a dating website, tackle speed dating, keep hounding friends to intro you to their friends, or do you book your next vacation to somewhere like NYC and press your luck at finding someone while out of state?

Who has experienced this similar situation?

Live.Love.Laugh

Day in the life of sales.

I recently stopped working at a jewelry store for reasons I just don’t feel like getting into right now, but glad that’s over and done with. On to the next is playing in my head, gotta love Jay Z. I worked at this store for almost 2 years, but my time to move on was WAY over due. So I joined this group of sales people. I figured I have been in jewelry sales I can do promotion sales. Let me just say it takes a certain personality to be able to successfully succeed at promotional sales, where you have to walk around and approach as many strangers as possible in order to make sales, it was a numbers game really. If you can do this you make really good money, for some reason it just wouldn’t click with me. I would go out every morning after the meeting and listen to all types of music to pump me up and bring up my energy. I would get to a point in my head where I was saying to myself, “you can do this, and it’s simple”. Then I would walk out of my car onto my “territory” and every step I took I would get more and more in my head about it and start to lose confidence, I’m still not quite sure why, but I have a strong feeling that it’s because this job just wasn’t something that I wanted to do. I am really glad that I tried it though, because I learned from this experience. Although it didn’t work out for me I still adore and respect everyone that works there. My favorite part of the day was our morning meetings. I believe that successful companies succeed from having a positive working environment.
I have gotten to a place in my life where, I have been working since I was 14 years old. My first job was at a Donut Shop that I would go to straight after school. From there I tried out another bakery then moved to clothing sales, to cold calling then started my office work. I have worked for many companies as a receptionist, from spas, to new company ventures and finally ending at commercial real estate. But in 2008 the 9-5 sitting behind a desk all day wasn’t working out to well for me. I was always craving being outside and started to get anxious behind the desk. So I ventured into personal assisting, I assisted a writer, two well known fashion stylists, I had a great time doing it, but the passion just wasn’t there.

My question to all of you is how do you get through your day in a job you are not passionate about until you reach that point where you are living and working your ideal situation? I have found myself struggling with being happy working certain jobs and also find myself staring at the craigslist job section completely overwhelmed trying to figure out the type of job I want to tackle. I know to believe and trust in the universe that everything that happens happens for a reason, but at times it can get scary. Who doesn’t want to live a happy life where you go to work and you are actually excited to be there, or are the majority of people in this world miserable at their everyday job? I sure hope not, but please someone tell me if you have experience a similar situation. Cure?

Live.Love.Laugh

Kristin

Trial and Error

As you get older you start to realize that a lot of people you come across are very trial and error. You want to believe the best in people, but then come to realize that the majority of them that you meet are just out for themselves, because who else is going to be if you aren’t, right? Well I believe that it is possible to look out for you and for others as well. But there are a lot of people who never got that memo. All you can do is wish them the best.

I moved to Los Angeles in 2005, mid -year, I started out not knowing anyone but a handful of people in my new acting class. I was what most called “in my college years” but not in college. I spent the majority of my first weekends in this new city chatting with my best friends back home, getting off the phone and crying, I was bummed, I was alone in a big new city and my friends back home sounded like they were experiencing the time of their lives. But that life wasn’t for me, I couldn’t wait to get out of Salt Lake. And there I was sitting in a dark room lost in my thoughts trying to figure out my next move, something that was going to make me happy and excited. I spent a lot of time reading and writing, what I did with the majority of those pieces, I guess one day we will hopefully find out and they will just pop back into my life and I will be able to look back at them and laugh about all the silly struggles I was going through at the time, which I am almost positive I made sound a lot more drastic then they actually were… but don’t we all do that at a young age.

A couple months into my move a friend from back home moved out to LA as well and that is when the new chapter in my life began. I somehow got my hands on an ID that stated I was of age (considering I was only 20) but then I made friends with the bar manager and everything was smooth sailing, I was able to walk right up to the front of the line and get in without any hassle. That was when I started to get a taste of what everyone talks/sings about in the industry, how LA will suck you in and spit you right out, if you allow it. I started opening my eyes to the finer things, noticing that the sidewalks here sparkle and its one of the only places that you will be driving down the street and see Spiderman talking to captain jack sparrow. This is the place where dreams come true, which brings me back to trial and error. Once I started regularly making my scene in LA and painting it however I choose, I started making “friends” and lots of them. It got to the point where I knew the majority of the people at the clubs I was frequenting at. I was living “THE” life. As you all can pretty much assume, it caught up to me. I started going out less and less the more conversations I would over hear my “friends” arguing about who was going home with whatever C-list actor that night, it got me to thinking, “why did I come to LA?” Not for this, not for conversations like this, it wasn’t me and never would be. From that point on I didn’t go out as much, and Hollywood started changing, and to be honest it hasn’t been the same sense. My “friends” drastically started falling off the “Kristin’s world” map and that’s when I started to see who my real friends were, people that actually cared about my well being and what I was actually doing in my life. Quality vs. quantity really, trial and error.

I am happy to say that I learned so many life lessons the way I experienced my first couple years in Los Angeles, the city of angels. I got back on track and started focusing on my dreams and aspirations. I have met a handful of what most people dream about meeting. Hung out at houses that people would pay money to hang out at. And I am happy to say that I enjoyed every minute of every experience I have ever had in this magical place. Los Angeles is a world within itself, if there wasn’t an overload of people living in this city and the traffic wasn’t always madness, I am pretty sure they would rename this city paradise. The weather is pretty much perfect year round and I live within minutes of being able to put my toes in the sand and my feet in the ocean. I must say though, I do not take much advantage of that and have made it a goal this year to make a much bigger effort to make it to the beach. My advice to anyone considering moving to LA, you will either Love it or Hate it and no matter what you will not forget it. Don’t forget your purpose in moving to this city, this city has a great way of distracting you. Stay true to yourself, don’t be afraid to experience something new (you will always surprise yourself, and who doesn’t like pleasant surprises), take that leap! The one thing in life you will never get back is TIME, so make that most of it.

Just like the famous stud of the century once stated “Live each day as if it were your last” –James Dean

Live.Love.Laugh

Kristin

Hearbreak

You never forget your first heartbreak. It leaves an imprint on your soul. The feeling can sneak up on you at any moment. Triggered by the smallest scene. It's a squeeze on the heart and a flash from the past, it can never be forgotten, only forgiven. You can learn from it and grow. But your heart will always know that it opened up a window to your soul and let in a feeling of vulnerability. It will make it hard on the next, for walls will be put up but you have to trust your gut and let yourself be vulnerable again.

Quaterlife

Sometimes it seems tough to stay positive, but you have to remember that is the key. Lately I have been, I guess I would say "tested" in my life. I have been having many ups and many downs. The funny thing is how quick we are to hold on to what is bringing us down rather then keep the excitement for the things to come.  I have never understood why we do that, but a part of me believes that sometimes we hold on to the bad to really appreciate the good. I have come to understand that if you take a little time to meditate you will not only start to come to peace with the issues but you also start to understand a little more within yourself. Time flies by so quickly that we don't even realize the little things that keep slipping by, how taking 5 minuets to really get lost in yourself can make a huge difference.
I recently was in the process of moving and I came across a journal that I kept while I was in High school. It was so great to look over everything I wrote, I remember all the things I was writing about and a part of me said to myself, "I remember when I was like that". A part of me missed that, but more I think was me feeling that I had lost a part of me. A part of me got sucked into a certain kind of life, where I was allowing a lot of negativity in and I wasn't even realizing that I was attracting it. When you take the time to look at yourself and see the bigger picture you realize that the window of negativity you may have slightly cracked open is allowing more and more negative issues in until you close that window and open the door to the positive side.
Moving away from home is always a test, you grow so much from the experience, but keep up the positive spirit or there is a chance it will break you. Fear nothing, for you are who you are and nothing will change that. Stay true to yourself and follow your dream, it is yours and no one else can take that away from you.
Quote of the Day-
A man's failure to question the ideas by which he lives keeps his life as it is. - Vernon Howard

Writings!

Here are some writings that I did in the past couple years... Enjoy!

Never sleep til the sun comes up. Worry about nothing but, the comfort in the touch of the outsider. Reach for what tomorrow might bring. Living for each of everything. Feel for what the moment brings, nightfalls so quickly. Lingering essence of you near, close the door to wonder.


When you look at life in a distance, you see a lot of unknown. You want to explore the undiscovered and you wonder what's next. When you look into the eyes of a dreamer, you see the same questions you ask the stars. And when you look into the eyes of the beholder, you see only but your souls. You come with many unknowns, you seek what many don't, for they seek only for comfort where you seek nothing but soul. Hold on to each meaning, as many hurry bye, love not only once in your life time and you will come to truely find peace. 




Just a taste of some things that I am working on.... :) xoxo

Downtown Photo Shoot

LA has been raining like a mad man for the past couple of weeks. A very good friend of mine happens to be an amazing Photographer and we both had an amazing idea to have a photoshoot the next time in rained. So last Tuesday we decided that since we both were free we would have a phototshoot downtown on the rooftop of a friend of the photographers. We got to downtown around 11am and as the shoot began we were praying for rain, and as most people know about me is that I don't like the rain and/or being cold. So I am really proud of myself for making this photo shoot happen. As the time was going by still no rain, finally at 2:30pm it started to sprinkle and then gradually started to rain. Although it never started pouring we got some pretty great pics during this shoot. I was very happy with the way the photos turned out. It was a fun character for me to play and the photographer and I had a fun time during the shoot. It was a very productive day. :)

Sunday Sunday

Catching up with friends is such an uplifting experience. Last night I met up with a couple friends for drinks, we started our night at Lola's on Fairfax and ventured to the Palihouse in West Hollywood. It was a very mellow relaxing night, which are always my favorite. I hadn't seen some of these friends since before the holiday and new years, it was so nice to meet up with them and talk about all the new things going on in our lives for the New Year. Surprisingly enough most my girlfriends and I are single, I feel it hasn't been that way in a very long time. So there we were a couple of single girls catching up over a cocktail.
Over the New Year I ventured to S. America. Two friends of mine from High school moved down there for a life changing experience and I figured now is the time to go, it was Summer down there and any place with warmth is a fabulous place to me. The trip was an experience, i felt very tested. Our luggage was lost for 5 days.... need I say more. We made the best of what we had and walked away from this experience learning new things, isn't that what life is all about anyway. I saw a different side of friends and even got a little heartbroken, but I grew from the experience and walked away with a positive drive and I wouldn't change that at all. Its better to see things now and understand them, then be hurt and confused by them later.
Back to catching up with friends, its definitely motivating being around driven people. I love how driven my friends are. They motivate me and keep me going, they push me to succeed in life and achieve any goal I want, cause they believe in me. I am blessed with amazing people in my life who stick by me through the think and thin. These past couple of years have been hard on me, with a very rocking relationship that ended in October, to the ups and downs with certain friends which luckily have mended and started building an even stronger friendship. But I wouldn't change any of it, I grew so much from the past experiences and I have come to appreciate them for what they were and are. In life you have to let go not just forgive, let go of the emotion that you have attached to any negative situation cause that is just wasted energy that will run you down in the end. Just some words of advice, they helped me out and I hope they do the same for you.

Enjoy this beautiful Sunday and I'll leave you with another beautiful saying...
Walk with me, Hold my hand, Grown to know the more I am.

xoxo K

Friends

Last night I was in Burbank at a bowling alley with some old friends and now some new. It was nice to sort of feel like I was out of the typical LA world, things were actually cheap, which is rare especially in LA. The games were $5, Beers $1, Food (Hot Dogs, Pizza and Nachos) $1. I had a blast!! everyone was in such high spirits and looking for a good time, it made the night be full of life and laughter. I am now starting to realize the benefits of making the effort to go out and have a good time. Sometimes you get sucked into your comfort zone which in my case is home. I forget how much fun I can have with just a little effort in making it out into the world. Meeting new people and mingling around is kind of what life is all about. Sometimes breaking out of your comfort zone can feel like a lot of energy, but trust me in the long run, you will look back at these years and you don't want to have regrets. You only live once, so why not make the best of it. Its when you make the effort that you start feeling the positive energy even more. Thats my theme for 2010- Positive energy. :)

I am over this horrible gloomy rainy weather here in Los Angeles, but I am still making the effort to get out into the world instead of hide away at my apartment and honestly it feels really good. I think you should all take this advice and venture out tonight, its Friday night and there is a whole world out there that is excited to meet you.

Live.Love.Laugh xo K

New Year, New You.

2010... can you feel it? The energy in the air! This is the year, the year that maps out everything. Set your goals high and let your dreams be achieved. We all have it in us... now is the time to keep up the positive energy and let life take flight. I have always said- Live to know the meaning, Laugh with me til morning and Love me until Forever. I believe those are great words to live by. Stay tuned for more post on life, love and laughter as I take you through this journey I call life. xoxo