Forgive

Its a part of me, a decision I have made. To release me from this world. A mistake, I don't know, was it fate I say so.
Forgive me for the choice I've made. In this life I live, to have given up on you. I tried to bring you in, but you shut me down.
I want to hold you, but it was to late to save you. Imagine looking through your eyes, as they are mine. As I'm true to myself, please forgive me.
The thought of you so pure and true, my unborn child from within. Release the tension and come back again. Oh just to hold you in all your innocence.
Forgive me.

Kristin Alayna

The Day

Help me understand, walk me through this life, each step of the way guide me. Open my eyes to the world of the unknown. Bring my ears to the sound of your voice. I listen to each word as if it were my own. Help me understand, trust the answers within the soul and let it go. Believe in the sounds of silence. Love will never fade it will fight with you to the grave. Run with your eyes closed and let the light shine through you. Take the leap into the craziness we call life, learn that it will never be defeat.

-Live.Love.Laugh

Kristin Alayna

Blessed

I have recently transferred files from an old computer to my new computer and I found a pretty great selection of writings that I had written a while back. In the files I found a writing I started to write for my mother, and I think I wanted to add more to it or something cause I am not sure why I never sent it to her. I get inspired to write when I go through hard times and these past couple years have not been a cake walk in my life, but I always know that I can call up my mother and she will bring my spirits up and tell me everything will be ok, and you know what it works everytime. No matter how hard a situaiton I feel I am going through, my mother always knows exactly what to say. I think of how I will repay her for all that she has given me, and since I am still an aspiring artist I can really only repay her in words.... Mom I wrote this for you. Thank you for everything you do, you raised 6 amazing kids if I may say so myself.

You - by Kristin Crizaldo


You are the heartbeat I long to hear,

You are the hand I love to hold,

You are the heart I picked to belong to,

You are the love I call home too.

I am your shinning star,

You are my night sky,

Everything great I am, I got from you,

You are the mother I will always look up to.

Photoshoot

A great friend of mine and also amazing photographer, Brett Erickson, asked me if I would do a photoshoot with him, testing out a new make up artist. I had a great time, we shot downtown at the Disney Concert Hall. And let me tell you the architecture there was absolutely amazing, as you will see in some of the pictures I posted. Here is a teaser of the shoot, there are more to come. Hope you enjoy!




Live.Love.Laugh

Dating

I don't know about most of you, but I use to watch TV shows where women talked about struggling with dating as they got older and I never really understood why. I was always like there are so many men out there, how can you not find one? Then I went through a couple break ups and many people will tell you, it gets easier and eventually you end up with the person you are supposed to be with, but you're supposed to kiss a lot of frogs until you find your prince. Well this year I have come to that realization. I know that this time should be the time of my life, I am only young once I should get out there and date as many men as possible. Although the idea of that sounds great and all, it just isn't my cup of tea. I love Green Tea, Jasmine tea is my favorite, then I would say China Tips. I rarely venture into trying new teas that much because I LOVE green tea. I think that might be why dating for me is what some may say difficult. I know what I want and let's face it, dating in LA is not the easiest thing. There are a lot of men, and good looking men in LA, the only problem is finding one that doesn't want to keep putting his hand in the cookie jar. Guys in LA don't want to settle down for the most part and the ones that do, the only way you are probably going t find them is if they are referred to by a friend or coworker, cause let's be honest here people, you are not going  to find mister right at a night club in Hollywood.
You can try a dating site, but you know the majority of people that are on dating websites don't even like admitting that they are on the site. There are many success stories don't get me wrong and I am beyond happy for those who have found true happiness from the site, but it isn't for everyone. So the people that is isn't for, where do they go and what do they do? Is there a certain "happy hour"that all the single established well mannered men attend? If so details please. I don't understand how it is possible that the majority of my gorgeous, independent female friends are single. Makes me wonder really. Is it just in LA? I feel like it has to be, there must be something in the water that makes it so the majority of the guys are, let me put it nicely, not worth the time or energy and the rest are swinging for the other team or snatched up by a lucky lady.
Who's to blame really, if it wasn't for LA pretty much catering to men so they can be a kid in a candy store with their options of beautiful women, can you blame them? There are women out here that make it much harder for ladies that are looking for a trust worthy faithful guy. It's almost like you can't be mad at him if the hot women are throwing themselves at them. I believe that if it wasn't for the face that a lot of women for the most part are out for themselves and will quickly without a thought in their head, throw the next girl under the bus to get a one up, then we probably would have a little more luck at a normal dating life in LA. I have never had as many friends in long distant relationships because they met someone amazing that lives out of the state. LA might be tainted, I hate to say it.
So what do you do, do you suck t up and join a dating website, tackle speed dating, keep hounding friends to intro you to their friends, or do you book your next vacation to somewhere like NYC and press your luck at finding someone while out of state?

Who has experienced this similar situation?

Live.Love.Laugh

Day in the life of sales.

I recently stopped working at a jewelry store for reasons I just don’t feel like getting into right now, but glad that’s over and done with. On to the next is playing in my head, gotta love Jay Z. I worked at this store for almost 2 years, but my time to move on was WAY over due. So I joined this group of sales people. I figured I have been in jewelry sales I can do promotion sales. Let me just say it takes a certain personality to be able to successfully succeed at promotional sales, where you have to walk around and approach as many strangers as possible in order to make sales, it was a numbers game really. If you can do this you make really good money, for some reason it just wouldn’t click with me. I would go out every morning after the meeting and listen to all types of music to pump me up and bring up my energy. I would get to a point in my head where I was saying to myself, “you can do this, and it’s simple”. Then I would walk out of my car onto my “territory” and every step I took I would get more and more in my head about it and start to lose confidence, I’m still not quite sure why, but I have a strong feeling that it’s because this job just wasn’t something that I wanted to do. I am really glad that I tried it though, because I learned from this experience. Although it didn’t work out for me I still adore and respect everyone that works there. My favorite part of the day was our morning meetings. I believe that successful companies succeed from having a positive working environment.
I have gotten to a place in my life where, I have been working since I was 14 years old. My first job was at a Donut Shop that I would go to straight after school. From there I tried out another bakery then moved to clothing sales, to cold calling then started my office work. I have worked for many companies as a receptionist, from spas, to new company ventures and finally ending at commercial real estate. But in 2008 the 9-5 sitting behind a desk all day wasn’t working out to well for me. I was always craving being outside and started to get anxious behind the desk. So I ventured into personal assisting, I assisted a writer, two well known fashion stylists, I had a great time doing it, but the passion just wasn’t there.

My question to all of you is how do you get through your day in a job you are not passionate about until you reach that point where you are living and working your ideal situation? I have found myself struggling with being happy working certain jobs and also find myself staring at the craigslist job section completely overwhelmed trying to figure out the type of job I want to tackle. I know to believe and trust in the universe that everything that happens happens for a reason, but at times it can get scary. Who doesn’t want to live a happy life where you go to work and you are actually excited to be there, or are the majority of people in this world miserable at their everyday job? I sure hope not, but please someone tell me if you have experience a similar situation. Cure?

Live.Love.Laugh

Kristin

Trial and Error

As you get older you start to realize that a lot of people you come across are very trial and error. You want to believe the best in people, but then come to realize that the majority of them that you meet are just out for themselves, because who else is going to be if you aren’t, right? Well I believe that it is possible to look out for you and for others as well. But there are a lot of people who never got that memo. All you can do is wish them the best.

I moved to Los Angeles in 2005, mid -year, I started out not knowing anyone but a handful of people in my new acting class. I was what most called “in my college years” but not in college. I spent the majority of my first weekends in this new city chatting with my best friends back home, getting off the phone and crying, I was bummed, I was alone in a big new city and my friends back home sounded like they were experiencing the time of their lives. But that life wasn’t for me, I couldn’t wait to get out of Salt Lake. And there I was sitting in a dark room lost in my thoughts trying to figure out my next move, something that was going to make me happy and excited. I spent a lot of time reading and writing, what I did with the majority of those pieces, I guess one day we will hopefully find out and they will just pop back into my life and I will be able to look back at them and laugh about all the silly struggles I was going through at the time, which I am almost positive I made sound a lot more drastic then they actually were… but don’t we all do that at a young age.

A couple months into my move a friend from back home moved out to LA as well and that is when the new chapter in my life began. I somehow got my hands on an ID that stated I was of age (considering I was only 20) but then I made friends with the bar manager and everything was smooth sailing, I was able to walk right up to the front of the line and get in without any hassle. That was when I started to get a taste of what everyone talks/sings about in the industry, how LA will suck you in and spit you right out, if you allow it. I started opening my eyes to the finer things, noticing that the sidewalks here sparkle and its one of the only places that you will be driving down the street and see Spiderman talking to captain jack sparrow. This is the place where dreams come true, which brings me back to trial and error. Once I started regularly making my scene in LA and painting it however I choose, I started making “friends” and lots of them. It got to the point where I knew the majority of the people at the clubs I was frequenting at. I was living “THE” life. As you all can pretty much assume, it caught up to me. I started going out less and less the more conversations I would over hear my “friends” arguing about who was going home with whatever C-list actor that night, it got me to thinking, “why did I come to LA?” Not for this, not for conversations like this, it wasn’t me and never would be. From that point on I didn’t go out as much, and Hollywood started changing, and to be honest it hasn’t been the same sense. My “friends” drastically started falling off the “Kristin’s world” map and that’s when I started to see who my real friends were, people that actually cared about my well being and what I was actually doing in my life. Quality vs. quantity really, trial and error.

I am happy to say that I learned so many life lessons the way I experienced my first couple years in Los Angeles, the city of angels. I got back on track and started focusing on my dreams and aspirations. I have met a handful of what most people dream about meeting. Hung out at houses that people would pay money to hang out at. And I am happy to say that I enjoyed every minute of every experience I have ever had in this magical place. Los Angeles is a world within itself, if there wasn’t an overload of people living in this city and the traffic wasn’t always madness, I am pretty sure they would rename this city paradise. The weather is pretty much perfect year round and I live within minutes of being able to put my toes in the sand and my feet in the ocean. I must say though, I do not take much advantage of that and have made it a goal this year to make a much bigger effort to make it to the beach. My advice to anyone considering moving to LA, you will either Love it or Hate it and no matter what you will not forget it. Don’t forget your purpose in moving to this city, this city has a great way of distracting you. Stay true to yourself, don’t be afraid to experience something new (you will always surprise yourself, and who doesn’t like pleasant surprises), take that leap! The one thing in life you will never get back is TIME, so make that most of it.

Just like the famous stud of the century once stated “Live each day as if it were your last” –James Dean

Live.Love.Laugh

Kristin